PCT

One thing that I did understand out of my year of social psychology, which, in a nutshell, is a science that has no rules, was Personal Construct Theory
Developed by George Kelly, it provided perfect fusion of nomothetic and hermeneutic phenomenology, experimental psychology and experiential psychology working, for once, in harmony yet there was some sort of rule to it.
It works like a molecule, it is a compound that grows out of small modules called constructs.
PCT lecture aside here, which wasn't the point of this...I enjoyed the simple exercise of repertory grid, a technique that is used for testing people's constructs and it amazed me what I could link.

What amazes me time and time again is the fact that some people are just great, you can talk to them, they stimulate you in the right ways and seem absolutely fine, yet you find yourself just not bonding with them on any level...and here I am not just hinting at sexual relationships, which are more complicated by the fact that there is another level to them, but friendships in general. And then, there are other people, that aren't as easy to get along with or you don't quite fit with their lives or ideas yet they evoke something in you that others never manage to touch no matter what they do.
And it is not rational.

But having done this exercise in the name of diligence over my last exam, I began to examine how I see my friends and my life and what I attribute to them and then, if you correlate the attributions, how I see my attributions and how they are linked.
All very riveting, I know, blah blah and all that, but Kelly argues that we seek out people that validate our core constructs.
Our core constructs being those constructs we have about the world and most importantly about ourselves, how we see ourselves.
It often perplexed me that I can find some minor flaws or actions by others so distressing yet I am totally unfazed by others that seem equally if not more upsetting and I finally get it. It is those things that attack me...not me as I am in the world and to others, but me as I am to myself, that hurt. The things I like about myself...if someone does not like those things and openly communicates it, I tend to take it personally yet all else doesn't bother me so much.

I guess one tends to form inexplicable bonds with some people whilst others can be in your life for a long, long time and yet you can take them or leave them at the moment's notice, and it made me wonder just how much those bonds have got to do with the way someone loves you.
I once overheard the conversation between couple of people I know and one was giving another an opinion on their relationship.
The advice was that perhaps their quarry loved them 100% but the lack of love one felt was due to the fact that what 100% is for one person, could only be 60% for another and there will always be a shortfall of 40% no matter what and neither is at fault. One is giving 100% and one is needing 100% and maybe the simple equation is that they will never quite fulfil one another no matter how much time goes by and how much they share.
Depending on what your needs are, that is.
Unless you know what the flaw is and learn to accept it, which is not always that easy.

What cripples grown ups in the game of love, I think, is the field of alternatives as well as the notion of previous experience, so you tend to evaluate people on the basis of what else is out there, often fucking up the very thing that you want just because you thought you can get something better soon enough, or there is simply something in you that cannot override previous experience, and if those were amazing, it is very likely you won't be able to settle for less than that, no matter how hard you try.
I guess ignorance is bliss, after all.

But when it comes to needs, can you compromise them? I mean needs are such a basic necessity, it is wants that can be moulded and negotiated and forgotten...but needs are trickier.
It is often that our wants are taken care of yet we still feel empty and it goes deeper than the surface of life.
It is that something that you feel about someone that has no connection to what your preferred view of reality is like, but it is just the feeling that some people can do wonderful things and fit us perfectly, yet it just won't be enough, whilst others can be slightly wrong fit and even past season goods yet they will somehow validate our core constructs, and this will make them intoxicatingly lovable.