Dating game

'I met you a couple of years ago and despite my smiles, winks, looks etc you never seem to have worked out that I liked you. Of course, now I'm pissed so I shall deny sending this message tomorrow.', said the message in my inbox few days ago. I checked the profile for clues, but there were none, I have no clue who this is and the lack of photo just adds to the mystery, so I sent the mail back, enquiring further clues, very James Bond, you know, it all just looked like fun, something maybe I'd do on a spur of the moment, out of the blue, contacting someone after a dream, after I heard a song, after I stopped being angry, righteous and pissed off and I was half expecting this to at least be a witty repartee. Have we met? I have no clue who he is but then, two years ago I had no clue who I was.
He responds the next day;' Yes, we did meet, we spoke - seemed to get on ok...then it just didn't happen. Still, that's history now. I've finally decided to dump internet dating as it is all too depressing. But I wanted to say hello/goodbye.'
At first I think it is tad melodramatic and I want to write back and say so but he really has deleted himself and I still have no clue who he is and now I will never know.
I guess, looking back, two years ago I found myself free after a long relationship and I was flippant in a way I approached all of this. Could that have been it?
Well, now I am cynical and sceptical, is that better?
I guess there is an expectation, expectation that things will work out just because you think they will, just because it seems as if there are so many people out there, looking for the same thing as you.
He mentioned something in his profile though, that stuck with me, he said that he met the right people at the wrong time and vice versa.
And that is so true, it all has to align, and people often think that it is just that easy and maybe it is easy for some and it does just happen for them but I guess it happens at the right time and with the right person, otherwise it would not be right.

I am an expert in dating. There is not a book that I have not read and looking back at all that now, I see they served no other purpose but to baffle me.
'The rules'...great book, manipulate men like crazy, all areas covered, and he will be yours forever.
Practice: book says be vague and never say exactly what you are doing when he asks, that will keep him keen to commit.
I try that and all I get is a jealous outburst, drunk phone call at 2 am, demanding to know where I've been and whom with and no commitment. Not a mention of this kind of reaction in the book.
'Surrendered single'...even better book...treat men kindly, be nice, be amazing and understanding...so I am. But what book does not tell you is that when you surrender, many men will just treat you like crap because you are just so nice about everything, cancelled dates, them not making an effort and so on. Stored anger that you are not releasing in small doses accumulates and you freak out eventually.
'Good dating guide' advocates never freak out, go on dates and show breasts and legs to get a guy of your dreams...get a fuck buddy. This will make you appear less desperate.
'How to make anyone fall in love with you' says to keep a man, you have to look at his eyes and listen attentively to any crap he says, pay big compliments and be a whore in bed, or a nurse, or whatever he'd like....
'He is just not that into you', finally a book that speaks sense...written by the alpha male that works on Sex and the city. He apparently met no other men on this Earth, you can see that by the fact that he thinks what goes for him is the only thing that works.
Reading all this crap, in order to appear smarter about dating, I completely lost myself and, for that matter, a track of what I wanted in the first place. What about me? Who is surrendering in order to get me, who is wearing a nurse's outfit for me...OK, maybe the last one is slightly unnecessary, I admit but you get the drift.
It is all about getting a guy, but is it? A guy needs to make you happy too in order for it to ever work.
I envision the right guy...he'll come at the right time and be someone that won't take me for granted so I won't have to psychologically manipulate him by being unavailable, vague and hard to get just to get him to respect my time and values. He won't be angry if I don't surrender myself, won't think I am desperate because I don't have a fuck buddy and he won't be superior alpha male that takes everything over the minute he puts dibs on you. I won't have to permanently have my eyes open like someone on drugs because he will be intrinsically interesting and I will want to listen, as for the bed stuff...no PVC and we'll see about the rest.

So now, at this time, when I am getting mail like the one above, I have no advice whatsoever on dating. I can't even say that it doesn't work, because it does to some extent but it is, like everything in life, exactly what you make of it.
Saddest thing of all is to think that the right fit happens just like that, without some compromise, effort, changes and a lot of getting used to.