Here we go round the Mulberry bush...on a cold and frosty morning!

I haven’t had sufficiently funny story to report since Rato left in a hurry but this has amused Ben so I thought it would be fair game to report it in my ever so whimsical fashion. It all began when I decided to use e bay to get rid of some old bags. Having progressed from adoring Orla Kiely to liking Mulberry (in male terms this would be like from liking a nice golf to wanting a Ferrari) I made my first purchase ages ago on their Piccadilly bag. I bargained the woman down to £300 and although I knew that a bag which usually cost close to a grand would be suspiciously cheap at £300, I was in wonderful denial. I wanted one for ages. It promised me Darwin leather and, as a scientist and a supporter of evolutionary theory, I could not resist. Everyone loved that bag and I must admit, it looked deceptively authentic. But I was in need of a smaller one so I decided to fork out another £297 to buy Phoebe from Mulberry factory outlet which sells those that are no longer current at 50% discount. But there were no Phoebes in oak so I had to settle for mauve. It came and the first thing Ben said was; “A piggy bag”. This made me not bond with it. To cut a long story short...I yearned for oak Mulberry in a reasonable size and decided to consolidate my two in order to buy one. So I buy Mulberry Annie at a mere £215 used and it arrives and it is nice. Karolina, who owns two Mulberrys agrees it looks stunning. But my Piccadilly gets banned by e bay for being fake even though it was red hot, it had 18 watchers and bids galore in the first 20 hours...I start probing into fake Mulberry market and find out that, indeed my Piccadilly is fake. I inspect Annie...same leather, same type serial number...and after much researching, manage to find out my Annie is fake. Annie’s owner is livid; she got it as a present (ex boyfriend, no doubt...) and never knew. I sympathize, of course. She agrees to return money no problem. My piggy Phoebe bag is selling well and I manage to get what I paid for it, more or less and I even have someone blindly wanting my fake Piccadilly. So far so good. Even after being honest about the fake Mulberry past of the Piccadilly, the woman wants it...god bless denial of a desperate shopaholic...

So far s o good....but this whole fake Mulberry thing leaves me;
1. scared to buy from e bay
2. paranoid
3. wanting revenge
4. still not quite sure how can one know a fake Mulberry as they are so good (the fakes, that is)

This is where the fun begins. Last Thursday in town...I am casually shopping in Gap with 30% off everything voucher in my pocket when I spot a pretty lady with what appears to be a Bayswater bag. Just to clarify....Bayswater is a smaller version of Piccadilly. On a spur of the moment, I decide to follow her in order to inspect her bag for fakeness or even to spot any differences from mine. The lady is on a mission, she is darting around clearly looking for something specific, which makes it difficult to follow her in a casual way so I appear slightly deranged. She gives me few dirty looks before I give up, afraid I might get reported. I see no differences though and this calms me down. Next, I pop to john Lewis to buy Ben some sweets for his birthday and as I walk in, I enter the store at the entrance which directly takes me to bags....and there, on the shelf in front of me, is a true Mulberry oak Bayswater bag. I quickly decide that this is a perfect time to examine the bag closely and I walk straight to it. Bayswater is attached with the alarm cable (of course) which has a springy cable and allows for some movement. I put it on my shoulder, open it, check serial number, the Darwin leather...and sadly, I realise that my Piccadilly is indeed fake. With a heavy heart I start trying the bag with more enthusiasm on this shoulder and that and eventually get myself so tangled in its cord that I pull it out and I trigger an alarm....

Before I could blink and say ‘It wasn’t me’ I was surrounded by at least 4 John Lewis ladies in their early fifties (but surprisingly agile), all smiling, all understanding about what happened but all displaying that knowing look that says ‘this bag is out of your league’. I apologize profusely and speed off to look for Hobbs scarf. On the first floor I think I have spotted Gary’s brother Glen, whom I haven’t seen since I was about 19 or 20 but I know he works in that John Lewis and I decide to follow him, simply because by now this is inherent to me but give up after 2 minutes. I then proceed to beg Ben to buy me a Bayswater for our anniversary present and he, after making me buy him a very expensive guitar pedal, has the audacity to be surprised at the price of the Bayswater and declares that is more a birthday present. So here I am, almost arrested for selling fake goods, stealing in John Lewis and stalking rich ladies...maybe I ought to think twice about going for a PhD, at least it would keep me out of trouble.

Kate Moss with her (not fake) bayswater...